Fillies and Colts Wrestling: Super Slam

(Author’s Note: All the ponies here are anthropomorphized, like in ’s pictures. This is a birthday gift for him, after all.)

   One unusually quiet evening in Ponyville the sun was just beginning to set. Over at Sweet Apple Acres Fillies and Colts Wrestling had once again set up their ring. They had drawn a record crowd. All Apple family members who weren't children were in attendance, and real attendance too, not just working nearby in the orchard.  Die hard fan Rainbow Dash as well as Thunderlane and Rarity were there. Joining them was Derpy and Twilight Sparkle, the latter of whom had a copy of “The Wrestling Watcher” written by a mysterious pony named Zesty Meltzer.

   As usual, at the commentary table were Pipsqueak and Shady Daze. Pip was in his usual ensemble which included a dorky sweater vest, while Shady wore his much nicer suit. They were chatting when Featherweight, cheap video camera in hand, began counting them down.

   Pip adjusted himself on the phone book he was sitting on and cleared his throat. “Welcome back pro wrestling fans! The sun maybe setting here in Ponyville, but the action never sets here at FCW Super Slam.”

   “It doesn’t in part due to our sponsors, such as Carousel Boutique,” added Shady. “Carousel Boutique: Always look fabulous.”  

   “We’ve seen some great wrestling so far,” said Pip, “But the best is yet to come. It’s time now for your main event! A match for the FCW World Championship!”

   Zipporwhill, the referee/ring announcer, took hold of her fake microphone. “Ladies and gentlecolts,” she intoned, “The following contest for the FCW world Championship is scheduled for one fall!”

   “One fall!” echoed Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane.

   “Introducing first, from Ponyville, weighing in at 52 pounds, the challenger...Rumble!”

   Featherweight ran over the the small stereo and hit play. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Sweetie Belle’s, backed by an electric guitar, rang out from the speakers.
   “A colt called Rumble!” The voice sang. “He does this! He does that! He’s big as a minotaur and quick as a fruit bat!”

   Out of the barn stepped Rumble. He was clad in blue pants with lightning bolts on the side, and a matching jacket unbuttoned to show of his bare torso. He had blue and yellow face paint in the shape of a mask on his face. The crowd cheered as he came out. Rumble waved and high-fived some of the them.

   “This is my second favorite song, you know,” commented Shady.

   Pip groaned. “I’m afraid to ask, but what’s your favorite?”

   “All the rest are tied.”

   “Oh will you be serious?!”

   “I am!” protested Shady. “I nearly got my cutie mark for music. You know, one of them musical squiggles. So, I know a thing or two about good music.”

   “Oh will you stop?!”

   Rumble made his way into the ring. He tossed off his jacket and posed. As he got into the corner, Zipporwhill readied her mic again.

   “And now, introducing the FCW World Champion...weighing in at 55 pounds...hailing from the Hayseed Swamps...Dinky Hooves!”

   Featherweight pressed play on a different rack and this time bombastic classical music came from the stereo. From the barn emerged Dinky Hooves, clad in a sequined bathrobe, the plastic title belt on her shoulder. The crowd booed as she spun around on her way to the wing, displaying every inch of her fabulous outfit to the crowd. She got into the ring and handed the title to Zipporwhill. Then she took off her robe to reveal a plain blue leotard beneath.

   “Dinky Hooves is simply the best in this business,” declared Shad. “There’s no way some idiot like Rumble can hope to out wrestle her.”

   Zipporwhill held the title belt for the crowd to see, before putting it away safely. Dinky and Rumble stared each other down. Then Zipporwhill called for the bell to start the match. The two continued to stare each other down until Dinky slapped Rumble in the face. Then they locked up in a collar and elbow tie-up.

   “And we’re off!” cried Pipsqueak.

   Rumble won the test of strength and whipped Dinky into the corner turnbuckle where he started to press his attack.    

   “It looks like Rumble has the opening advantage,” observed Pip. At that moment however, Dinky motioned the ref over who broke up the hold. As Zipporwhill did so however, Dinky took the opportunity to poke Rumble in the eye.

   “See, that’s why you should never underestimate Dinky Hooves,” said Shady.

   “Because she cheats?” asked Pip.

   “What was illegal about that?”

   “She poked him in the eye!”

   “I didn’t see anything...much like Rumble!”

   Dinky put her advantage to good use, hitting Rumble with a series of moves. As Rumble lay on the ground, Dinky strutted around the ring, to a chorus of boos. She simply waved the boos off. However as she did so Rumble got to his feet. Dinky turned around and was faced with an angry looking Rumble. She started to back away, begging off. Rumble simply grabbed her and suplexed her.

   “That no good sneak!” yelled Shady.

   “Shady, he waited for Dinky to turn around,” said Pipsqueak.

   “I know! You expect a guy to hit you from behind, not wait until you face them! Totally unexpected!”

   “Oh will you stop!”

   The match continued, the wrestlers going back and forth. Pipsqueak and Shady also went verbally back and forth at the commentary desk. There was a series of near falls as both Dinky Hooves and Rumble worked for the pin. Dinky managed to get behind Rumble and began to pull back on his face.

   “Oh that’s just disrespectful!” cried Pip.

   Rumble elbowed Dinky in the face to get her off. He then drove her back into a turnbuckle. He followed this up by getting up on the ropes. Rumble raised his fist and the crowd  cheered in anticipation. Rumble began to punch Dinky while the crowd tried to count along. The key word being try.

   “Two..Three...Four…” counted the crowd as Rumble hit Dinky with his sixth punch. As he finished up, the crowd hurried to catch up. “SixSevenEightNineTen!” chanted the crowd quickly. Shady and even Pip were facepalming. The crowd cheered as Rumble dropped back down to the mat.

   “That was certainly a display of…passion from the crowd,” remarked Pip.

   Dinky Hooves stumbled forward for a moment and then flopped straight down on the mat, face planting. She climbed back to her feet and Rumble ran and flipped over her and grabbed onto her tights from the other side. Dinky extended her arms out and began to swing back and forth wildly, desperately trying to keep her balance.

   The match continued from there building and building. “The crowd is practically out of their chairs in excitement!” yelled Pip. Featherweight turned to get a shot of the crowd, and managed to get a shot of Derpy letting out a perfectly timed yawn.

   Then, as the two were beginning to stand Dinky called Zipporwhill over. She asked the referee a question, tapping her wrist like a she was wearing a watch, and Zipporwhill moved over to the side of the ring.

   “It looks like Dinky Hooves has asked the referee how much time is left in the match,” explained Pip.

   As Zipporwhill asked Featherweight to check the time left, Dinky quickly hit Rumble below the belt, flooring him with a perfectly placed low blow. There was a chorus of boos.
   “Did you see that?” cried Pip to Shady.

   “See what?” replied his co-host. “There’s nothing special about the ref asking how much time is left in the match.”

   “Dinky Hooves just hit Rumble with a low blow!”

   “Don’t be ridiculous! Hey, what happened to Rumble?” asked Shady with a poor attempt at feigning ignorance.

   Dinky took this time to apply her finishing move, a figure-four leg lock.

   “She’s got him now!” yelled Shady. “No way he can resist to tapping out to this move.”

   But resist he did. After a few moments of struggling Rumble started to rise up. Dinky, seeing this, began to chop him. However the chops had no effect on Rumble. He began to power through and, as the crowd cheered him on, turned over, putting Dinky into the figure four!

   Zipporwhill waited for Dinky to tap out, but desperate wrestler managed to grab the ropes. Zipporwhill motioned for a rope break and Rumble let go. He leaped to his feet and ran wild on Dinky, sending her around the ring. He finished off with a top rope superplex, leaving them sprawled on the mat. Then Rumble got to his feet and applied his finishing move, the dreaded Lighting Death Drop!

   “This could be it!” exclaimed Pipsqueak.

   “There’s no way she’ll tap out!” countered Shady.

   At that moment Dinky tapped out. Zipporwhill called for the bell, gesturing wildly. A huge cheer went up from the crowd.

   “That’s it! That’s it!” yelled Pip, practically jumping off his phone book. “It’s over! We have a new FCW World Champion!”

   “No! No!” cried Shady, distraught. “Where’s the replay?!”

   Rumble celebrated in the ring as Dinky rolled out of it, and began to walk back to the barn. Zipporwhill once again grabbed her microphone. “Here is your winner, and new FCW champion...Rumble!” She handed Rumble the championship belt, and he gleefully put it on. Most of his face paint had come off with sweat, but he still looked like a champion.

   “I think that concludes our broadcast for tonight,” said Pipsqueak as Rumble made his way back towards the barn. Then, suddenly, a figure made his way out from behind the trees. “Wait, who is-” began Pip. The figure then clubbed Rumble in the back with a chair.

   Standing there was Truffle. He was dressed in black athletic shorts and a black tank top with the letters TKO written in white. “It’s Truffle Knuckle Onslaught!” cried Pip. “What does he think he’s doing?!”
   
   "And why would Rumble walk into a chair?" asked Shady.

   "Oh will you stop?!"

   Truffle began laying into Rumble, who managed to give a few punches back. But he was too tired from his match to do much, and soon Truffle threw him towards the announcer table. He then grabbed Rumble and placed him onto the table.

   As Rumble lay prone on the table, Pip and Shady stood up and backed away. “Don’t tell me he’s going to...” began Shady, before trailing off.

   Truffle climbed up onto the side of the ring apron and then jumped onto the announcer table, destroying it, and crushing Rumble.

   “FC-DUB, FC-DUB, FC-DUB!” chanted Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane.

   “How will Rumble responded to such a heinous act?!” Pipsqueak practically screamed. “Find out next time, on Fillies and Colt Wrestling!” Featherweight kept filming the fallen Rumble, as he lay groaning.

   Some ways away, in the shade of the apple trees, a tall, grey mule in a trench coat was writing down things furiously in a notepad.

   “Uh miss?” said a voice behind her, causing Zesty Gourmand to jump. She turned to face Applebloom. “Whatcha doin?”

   Zesty was silent for a moment before saying, “I was never here!” She dashed off.

   Applebloom watched her go, confused. Then she shrugged and went to go help dissemble the wrestling ring. You just get used to weird things in the wacky world of professional wrestling.